Earth

Before I start to journal how this project is going, I want to explain why I chose the picture of the earth to be my background.

Right from the start of therapy I have been practicing deep relaxation and self hypnosis.  Medications don't work for me AND I get really bad side effects.  I have not found a single medication that remotely even touches the pain.  I do take Nucynta (prescribed) at night, during a flare-up, not because it touches the pain, but it helps knock me out.  The side-effects to this medication are tolerated better than anything else I've tried, however I'd like to one day rid myself the need to take it.

The way my pain works is, it gets triggered, by one of MANY triggers, and then it stays solid anywhere from 4-11 days.  It stays constant all through the day and all through the night until it's finished.  I know what triggers it to start, but I don't know why it just stops the way it does.  I am glad it eventually stops.  Knowing that is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.

My therapist believes deep relaxation/self hypnosis is going to be my best option since I can't medicate during the day.  It's not meant to cure my pain.  It's just a means of helping me to relax as best as I can while I'm in pain.  So far, the meditation is awesome when I'm not in a flare-up.  I severely struggle to focus on what the guide is saying when I'm in pain...and...I pretty much miss most of the words he says. This ultrasound picture of the alien baby that has been trying to birth itself through my face for the last 3 1/2 years might help you understand why it's so difficult to relax during a flare-up.

Here is an add for the meditation app I use on my phone.  I just listen.  There are no pictures on the app I chose.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJq11Fos4EQ&list=TLZYaXdtiduRITwjpVkTvIPuhNRfUO4d4o

I love it...infinity.  I always look forward to meditation time during the day. 

It  takes me away!  Further away than Calgon, unless I'm hurting. :/

At one point during the meditation, the guide suggests finding myself in a "place that reminds you of the earth."  I can't do it.  I can't put myself on a sandy beach, or a peaceful mountain by a stream.  I can't put myself in a hammock, or in a meadow.  When I'm into my meditation I want to be as far away from the earth as I can be. 

Being attached to the earth means being attached to my body, which means pain. I choose to imagine myself floating in space, in the Spirit World, or in the life after this one where we don't feel pain anymore.

I recognize I have a hard time seeing past pain and suffering.  I'm trying to change that with this project.  I KNOW there is more to this life than just pain and suffering....and I want to get to that place.