Nothing Compares

This Pain Project really did end up to be a project.  My assignment/agreement was to plant a garden, but all throughout the process one thing has lead to another.  It's been more like 8394574345 projects in one.

Before I actually put anything in the red boxes, I took a few days to clear out this small corner of our back yard that we have used as a "garbage can" or dumping area for the last 5 years.

The picture doesn't do it justice.  It was a lot worse than it looks.  The morning glory did a good job covering and strangling a lot of it.

Here is a break down of all the "treasures" and garbage I uncovered during those few days.

~Several different rock piles
~A pile of grass chunks from creating a small garden area last year
~A pile of 10 empty manure bags
~Morning glory
~Lawn rake
~4 tomato cages, 2 of which were strangled by the morning glory to the point they couldn't be used.
~Tree branches from the time my dad pruned our front trees
~2 big pots given to me by a neighbor/friend last year
~A large black piece of painter's plastic, rolled up and twisted with leftover horse manure from the year before

Embarrassing.  I never want any part of my yard to look this bad again.  In my defense, I've been in survival mode for awhile.  This picture could very well be symbolic of many other aspects of my life that have turned into garbage piles since TN started :) 

After the second day of this project, I came in the house completely filthy, sweaty, and gross.  I didn't have the energy to take another step toward my bathroom to get cleaned up.  So, against my better judgment, I sat down. 

Here is a list of reasons why sitting down was a bad idea:

~My spine didn't develop the way it was supposed to.  It is still a question of whether or not I have Ankylosing Spondylitis, which I won't go into, but it's certain I've had arthritis in my low back since I was 16, as a result of bone rubbing on bone my entire life. 

 ~I also have arthritis in my neck, elbows, and knees.  Every one of those places was flared up after my second day of working.  

~I have had a few small tears in my rotator cuff since December of 2013.  That shoulder was aching horribly, with some shooting-down-my-arm nerve pain after all the work.

~A week prior to my working in the yard I sprained the top of my right foot.  I completely aggravated that pain while working in this back corner.

~When my TN and GPN pain got dramatically worse in January of this year, I had to use a text-to-speech app on my phone to communicate with my family.  This created carpal tunnel in my right hand/wrist that has never recovered, even though I haven't had to use the app since February.  The way I was using the small claw tool to break through the weeds produced the worst pain I've had in that wrist since it started.

I have all sorts of therapies for the arthritis, shoulder, foot, and wrist....but I couldn't get to them immediately.  I had to sit down immediately.  Which, I knew was a bad idea.  I know what happens to flared arthritis when I sit down after working :).  And that's exactly what happened!  But, it was ok.  I sat there, aching, and with every single one of these areas flared and on fire.  Even with all of this aching pain, I could  sit there with a smile, because all of this pain combined is nothing compared to the pain that shoots through my ear, face, and throat with the TN/GPN.  This was good pain. 

  I accomplished something, and that felt good.

I allowed myself about a 10 minute rest, then chuckled at myself with each attempt to get up out of the chair.  I pushed through the pain and got myself up, had my warm shower, and proceeded to do all of my therapies before bed......and repeat for another 2 days.

It took about 4 days to clear this area.

WHAT A PROJECT!  

The corner is basically cleared of all garbage and treasures, just waiting for me to make a solid decision on what to do with it. 

The timing of this part of the Pain Project was perfect.

1.  The neuralgia pain wasn't flared

2.  My family was gone on a family vacation and I was able to completely commit to this project, stopping only for needed breaks and not to do mom duties :).  My youngest stayed home, but spent a lot of time playing with his buddy.  He came out once in awhile to help me.

I don't go on long family vacations.  I'm terrified of getting slammed with the pain and not being in my own comfortable environment to suffer through it.  The furthest I am willing to travel is 5 hours, back to my home town of St. George.....and only for important events. 

Typically when I send my family away without me, my heart completely breaks and I feel guilty for not being with them.  This was the first trip they've been on where my heart didn't break.  And I felt guilty for my heart not breaking!  Someone in the TN support group mentioned that by letting them go have their fun, and not expecting them to stay home forever because of me, is an act of love.  I hadn't thought of it that way before.

I know my heart NOT breaking was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father.  This is just how our lives are right now, and it was time for me to accept this part and carry on.

Before they left, my husband said "Hopefully by next trip Humpty Dumpty will be put back together again", haha :).  That would be awesome!  But, until I am put back together, I am officially past the heart break. It feels much better this way.

Just in case you needed to see a picture of my filthy dirty socks....

I took about a 10 minute break about every 45 minutes to an hour.  Each break I would get a drink, wash my hands, and pick all the stickers out of my socks, clothes, and gloves.

I'm still picking stickers out of my clothes!